I'm so angry, but I'd really rather kiss you
by myIllusion
Summary: Couples Therapy. "I would love for Quinn to have at least two. It seems so limiting to only have one, now that I'm aware there are other options." Crossover fic including R&I, Glee, Voyager, SC.Chronicles, Harry Potter. Parings: Rachel/Quinn, Jane/Maura, Sarah/Cameron, Hermione/Luna, B'Elanna/Seven.
1. One is a lonely number

**"I'm so angry, but I'd really rather kiss you."**

**Crossover fic. Rizzoli & Isles, Glee, Star Trek Voyager, SC Chronicles, Harry Potter**

**Pairings: Jane/Maura, Rachel/Quinn, Seven/B'Elanna, Sarah/Cameron, and Hermione/Luna.**

**Author: myIllusion**

**Rating: M**

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters-no copyright infringement intended._

**Chapter I: One is a lonely number.**

**Rachel, Seven, Cameron, Maura, and Luna.**

"Oh...oh..._YES_!" Rachel squealed, she jumped out of the chair she was seated in and started pacing around the room, all the while clapping her hands together with an occasional vertical hop thrown in for good measure.

"I would love for Quinn to have at _least_ two. It seems so limiting to only have one, now that I'm aware there are other options." The little diva absently blew a puff of air at her bangs, (which needed to be trimmed) she straightened the hem of her favorite butterfly sweater while silently hoping her camera eyes were recording these strange events. She also wondered if they could even work while traversing through the Delta Quadrant at Warp speed.

"Ahh...um... Ms. Berry, try not to get too excited about the prospect, there are many...ah..um...concerns and probable obstacles to your current line of thought."

The Doctor (Emergency Medical Hologram) was completely baffled. What was Captain Janeway thinking? Why would she consider breaking the Prime Directive and every known temporal paradox to bring these women aboard Voyager?

And why?...why?...why?...why?... would she think him capable of being their counselor? Well, perhaps because of his unequivocal skills, which, (if he did say so himself) were unsurpassed by any EMH in the current timeline. Also, all those hours of training on the holo-deck, listening to that windbag Dr. Freud drone on and on about the Oeidipus comple..-"

"Why would there be a problem?" That daft looking silvery haired Witch asked; her voice was soft and dreamy, her big blue eyes were full of innocence and wonder.

What was her name again? Ah, yes, Ms. Lovegood. How does one acquire a name like _Lovegood_? Not to mention this whole Wizardry and Witchcraft nonsense! Hocus-Pocus? Abracadabra incantations? What was the Captain thinki...-

"Ahem..." The Doctor cleared his throat, banishing his inner rant with the sudden realization that five sets of female peepers were inexorably fixated upon him.

"...Yes, well, first of all, there is the consideration that it is physically impossible for such a _condition_ to just 'spontaneously' occur on a human female. Secondly, even if a _functional_ and cosmetic solution were possible, who would you get to perform the surgery? And, thirdly, don't you think, Ms. Berry, it would be respectful of you to consult with Ms. Fabray on the matter?... before blurting out your wild fantasies to a room full of strangers you only just met?"

The Doctor listed his concerns rather passionately. He 'tsked, tsked' the little diva (who was really quite adorable when she pouted) then shot Ms. Lovegood a look of utter contempt. Spells and potions, indeed! But, before the good Doctor could move the conversation forward, that wretched little Witch pulled a stick out of her hair; she waved it in his face and exclaimed:

"_Multiplicitoria Clitoria.! _"

Squeals of delight! Accompanied by more clapping and jumping up and down.

"Oh my! That is extraordinary, Luna, but why did you put them on his forehead? I know that Jane would be distressed to have them placed in that particular location. I am hoping she will have an open mind, however; if we could get together later to discuss the particulars of this _unique_ science, and, barring any possible side effects, I would very much like to learn how...- "

But Maura's inquiry was interrupted by another excited source in the room. She didn't mind at all, considering the very interesting instructional example that was subsequently shared with the group.

"Could you do that for me Luna? Sarah doesn't need an extra one because of what I can do with my tongue." Cameron opened her mouth and proceeded to demonstrate her tongue fluttering, flittering, and flicking super power. WOW! "I wouldn't mind having an extra one though... or two... or three even." The lovely cyborg's lips curled up slightly, her eyes glowed blue as she considered the possibilities.

Seven of Nine (Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One) sat in her chair, posture erect, wearing a smug grin. She was the only member of this Therapy Collective whose girlfriend had 'dual clitori!' That _smug_ grin wavered for a moment as the beautiful blonde Borg considered the possible 1,769 reactions B'Elanna might have - _if_ she became aware that Seven was, once again, discussing (bragging about) the details of their copulation.

The _poor_ Emergency Medical Hologram! He stood in the middle of the room fondling his forehead and squeaking every time he made contact with one of the little nub like protrusions. It felt rather nice, however; kind of tingly and warm, and very sensitive and... and...and...

"Bbbb...bb...but I'm a Hologram! I can't feel things. I...I...I don't feel pain or pleasuuurre...oooooohhh...ahh... " Throughout his whole objection, the Doctor kept stroking away at his forehead. "ooooooooooohhhh...eeeeeeee." Until, finally...

...the Doc passed out.

Elsewhere on the ship, (in the Captain's _ready room)_ a bowl of popcorn was being shared as Katherine and her _friend_ entertained themselves while watching the live feed of the therapy group in session.

Snickers could be heard, and then giggles, and finally, peals and peals of laughter...

**TBC**


	2. Ante Up

**"I'm so angry, but I'd really rather kiss you."**

**Crossover fic. Rizzoli & Isles, Glee, Star Trek Voyager, SC Chronicles, Harry Potter**

**Pairings: Jane/Maura, Rachel/Quinn, Seven/B'Elanna, Sarah/Cameron, and Hermione/Luna.**

**Author: myIllusion**

**Rating: M**

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters-no copyright infringement intended._

**Chapter II: Ante Up.**

**Quinn, B'Elanna, Sarah, Jane, and Hermione.**

Hermione felt completely out of her element with this group of strange, intimidating women.

She wasn't uncomfortable with the idea of hurtling through space faster than the speed of light; _Warp_ _Speed_ is what the Captain had called it. She wasn't uncomfortable with their primitive method of apparating; they used a very clever Muggle device called a transporter. Nor was she even remotely surprised or uncomfortable by the number of non-humans she had encountered in the brief time that she and Luna had been _guests_ upon this Starship. But, standing in this room with the significant others of the women Luna was currently '_in session_' with, was chafing on her very last nerve. The tension could be sliced with a sickle.

The eight of them had been '_beamed_' aboard at intervals within the last two days, or whatever was determined a 'day' while racing through the deepest darkest black of space. B'Elanna and Seven were members of the Voyager's crew, yet they were included with the outsiders for reasons that had not been fully explained by Captain Janeway. On the surface it was apparent that B'Elanna and Seven were a bonded couple, just as the rest of them were, but she was certain that was only a tiny piece of this curious puzzle.

Each couple had been given private quarters and were reassured that 'everything' would be clarified once they came together as a group. Then today, just five minutes after the women had shared a luncheon together, they were separated from their partners and told they would begin this _Mission_ with separate 'Sessions.' Hermione, Quinn, Sarah, Jane and B'Elanna were escorted to a viewing room by the ships Chief of Security; a man with pointy ears who went by the name of Tuvok. They were directed to make themselves comfortable by sitting in the odd looking deck chairs, as they would be observing the 'Session' via the gigantic view screen which was integrated into the wall.

"Session of what?" Jane and Sarah asked in tandem.

Both of them had their arms folded across their chests, they narrowed their gazes at Mr. Tuvok and refused to take a seat. B'Elanna rolled her eyes at the pair and flopped herself into one of strangely crafted chairs that was centered around a low triangular shaped table. Quinn was leaning casually against the wall in much the same stance as Jane and Sarah, but she managed to exude an aura of contempt as well as the outright peevishness the other two were overtly displaying.

Hermione wondered if she should scoff or something? Pretend that she could be intimidating too. Well, she could be quite intimidating if she chose to be, she just didn't feel like doing so at the moment. The other three were doing quite nicely without her help.

She was certainly a bit irritated that Luna was selected to go with the other group, nor was she keen on being separated from her girlfriend in the midst of these extraordinary circumstances. However, she was much too curious about what was going on and felt that making a fuss would only serve to delay her getting the information she greedily craved.

They had not been threatened, or treated badly. Quite the opposite, in fact. The Captain and her Senior Officers had welcomed them aboard very graciously. The whole of the crew had made them feel like honored guests in the short period of time they had been aboard the vessel. So, Hermione decided to trust her instincts and forced herself to remain calm for the time being.

Mr. Tuvok cleared his throat and flexed a pointy eyebrow at the holdouts. Hermione had quietly slipped into the chair beside B'Elanna Torres; she ducked her head shyly and offered the Klingon/Human hybrid a nervous smile. B'Elanna returned the smile with the quirk of a brow ridge and a tiny lopsided grin.

"Ladies, I assure you that your spouses will come to no harm. You will be able to see them if you take a seat with Lieutenant Torres and Ms. Granger. The view screen on the wall is cued to the Session they will be holding with Voyager's Doctor. You will be able to see and hear everything they experience. They, however, are unaware that you will be watching these proceedings. If one of them should inquire as to your whereabouts, they will be informed that you are having a Session of your own. This process of observing, ladies, is how you will be participating, for the moment, in this Couples Therapy Session. Later, when this Session is complete, all of you will be put together to review what was learned."

"I'm not real fond of the term, 'ladies' Mr. Tuvok, Jane will do just fine." The tall brunette declared and smirked at the unflappable Vulcan. "I've also never heard of a 'Therapy Session,' group or otherwise, that wasn't confidential for the participants. Aren't you setting them all up by letting us watch? Not that I wouldn't mind seeing Maura put her geeky feet forward, but, still...don't you think it's kinda unfair to them?"

Jane ran a hand through her mane of wild dark hair, shook her head and mumbled to herself, "What the hell? I guess I'll have a seat and see where this goes." She glared warily at the formidable Vulcan before declaring, "But I'm tellin' you Mr. Tuvok, if Maura gets her feelings hurt, or feels vulnerable, or cornered in any way; I'm holding you, and your Captain, and that Doctor responsible. Maura isn't so good with people socially. I think this is a bad idea just shoving her in a room with strangers and having them 'talk' about stuff without any type of preparation."

With that said, Jane took a seat on the other side of B'Elanna, leaving only two chairs empty.

Sarah Connor and Quinn Fabray were still standing, staring the stoic Security Chief down. Mr. Tuvok didn't bother to respond to Jane's statement, he just met her gaze and nodded subtly, which was _huge_ in the expression department for the Vulcan Security Officer. Still, somehow, the minute expression seemed to reassure the surly Detective.

Sarah Connor was wearing a black leather jacket, black tank top, black jeans, black boots and a generous sneer. The only accessory her outfit was missing, and she kept rubbing the arm of her shoulder because she could feel the absence of it's strap, was her submachine gun. Mr. Tuvok had removed it from her the moment she shimmered into form upon the transporter platform.

Of the five in this room, Connor was the most unstable. _With good reason,_ Mr Tuvok silently reflected. Ms. Fabray was a close second but she was so much younger, and perhaps a bit more flexible than the Connor woman. If only because Ms. Berry inserted herself into Quinn's life before Ms. Fabray could become completely jaded.

"My name is Sarah, Mr. Tuvok. No lady here either, just Sarah. And Jane..." Sarah snickered out loud as she addressed the Detective. "...if you think Maura has problems socializing, wait 'til you see Cameron in action! Twenty bucks says she knocks Maura out of the contest in the first round!" Sarah chuckled affectionately at the thought of her girlfriends quirks and settled herself in the chair next Jane. Jane grinned wickedly at the challenge while simultaneously digging into the pocket of her blazer. She pulled out a twenty dollar bill and slapped it on the low table in front of them. Sarah followed suit and was somewhat startled when a slender arm reached over her shoulder to place a third bill down.

"I'm putting my twenty down on Rachel." Quinn softly stated. "Sorry _Ladies_... " She grinned at them, intentionally using the term they both balked at Mr. Tuvok for using. "...but Rachel invented the words: _embarrassing_ and _inappropriate_. There's also a picture of her in the dictionary; it's the featured i.e. in the definition of loquacious! Maura and Cameron won't stand a chance if Rachel has even one opportunity to open her mouth." Quinn winked at the two older women and took a seat next to Hermione.

"Would anyone else like to place a bet before I activate the view screen?"

Mr. Tuvok asked with a straight face. His left cheek twitched once, which was the telltale sign he found this situation highly amusing. B'Elanna wanted to laugh herself but refrained from doing so. She was also _very_ tempted to place a bet. Gre'Thor knew that Seven was no slouch in the social disaster department, she could blast this competition completely out the airlock.

Unfortunately, B'Ellana didn't have any of the paper currency that was being used. She also didn't think it was a good idea to bet on Seven's social inadequacies. Tom Paris had done that years earlier and Seven still smarted over the memory. B'Ealnna was very protective of her wife and felt that Jane's concern about confidentiality was a valid one. She was ordered to trust the Captain with this mission. So, until she had good reason not to, she would go along for now. However, if Seven was hurt by this process; Captain Janeway would have a one way ticket to StoVoKor by way of B'Elanna's Bat'leth.

"I'll pass Tuvok. Seven doesn't like it when I gamble." B'Elanna answered the Security Chief, whose left cheek immediately started to twitch upon hearing her reply. She narrowed her multi-ridged brow at the Vulcan until he turned his attention to the lithe young Witch who was seated next to her.

Hermione was completely gobsmacked. These women were behaving horribly! They were actually _betting_ on which of their partners would make a bigger fool of themselves in the midst of a therapy session! How could they?

She had to admit she was just a bit concerned on Luna's behalf. The group of women Luna was currently in the company of sounded like the perfect audience for her theories revolving around the mysterious (non-existent) Crumple Horned Snorwrack. Oh God! Maybe she should put a wager down. Luna could, after all, be very, very, eccentric on occasion. Although, she was simply adorable while being so eccentric that Hermione liked to think of her girlfriend as endearingly interesting. If she placed a bet with the others they wouldn't be _too_ surprised when Luna _did_ reveal the stranger side of her personality. This bet would make _explaining_ unnecessary regarding her girlfriends behavior.

Hermione's reverie was interrupted by a rude elbow poking her ribs. She looked over at Quinn who was arching an eyebrow and wearing a smirk. Hermione got the feeling that the blonde had understood her silent thought process entirely. She wondered how often Quinn struggled with similar internal monologues regarging her girlfriend Rachel? Quite often she suspected. She returned the blonde girls smirk, shrugged her shoulders and dug into the bottomless (literally) pit of her purse.

"I don't have any Muggle money with me but will you three accept Galleons?"

**TBC.**


End file.
